Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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