well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
