You're completely useless in the revolution.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
