does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
