dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm sobbing to NWA
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize