There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
