did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
