Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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