the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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