Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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