I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize