we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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