I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
