so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
