Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
