you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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