you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
