So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Randomize
