so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Randomize
