We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
How naked do you want me to be?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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