aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
