the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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