I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
