Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
