what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
