I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
