Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
