just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
