Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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