his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize