Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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