I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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