I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
is it fun? or sober?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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