I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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