I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Randomize
