so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
