I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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