it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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