but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
