Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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