Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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