At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
