I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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