Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize