My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
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