She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
