I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
How's work?
Spinning.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
