Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
