i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
