i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
