Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize