she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You are the jesus of drinking
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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