Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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