She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
