Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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