We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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