i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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