maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
she smelled like a LAN party
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
