now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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