Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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