just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
