She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
