I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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