Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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