well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
