Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
