I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Randomize
