my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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