I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
