She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
