It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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