We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
No I am not eating basil off your cock
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
