Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
