oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
