we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Drake has all the answers
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
