The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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