omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize