I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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