I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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