I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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