Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
