before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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