MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
