I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
